A Teacher’s Dark Night

I came home late again last  Friday, frazzled and burdened with the issues of my ‘difficult behavioural problem’ child in my otherwise gorgeous Year 3 class. All week I’d been planning for him, collecting resources, networking and attempting to harness every available mentor and in-school support possible. But, after a trying day which ended with him finally sitting beside me on the mat banging his head against the cupboard door, despair seized hold of me. I felt choked with frustration at his rejection of my efforts, his manipulations and willfulness and at the insecure, lost and lonely soul I saw hiding within, cringing away from my outstretched hand of help! I felt numb and sucked dry. This was my ‘year of living joyously’ and this child had sucked the joy out of my working life as effectively as the ‘death eaters’ in Harry Potter. He had consumed me. I saw no light.

I drove home to my amazing husband, trying to focus on the joys he brought to my life. The farm was bathed in sunlight when I arrived home. He’d been expecting me and had a cool glass of wine and nibblies ready – what a treasure he is!

My soul was soothed still further as we walked to move the cattle to a fresh paddock. The sunset was gentle and warm. The trees were richly fragrant with fuzzy white gum-nut blossom and squawking black cockatoos burst from their branches into the paling blue skies. Fluffy black ears zeroed in on me like satellite dishes as the cows gathered round me on the grass to catch my scent. Calmly inquisitive black eyes searched me until silently they reflected recognition. I was now more drained than numb.

Much later I retreated to my study to read my “Two Writers” blog. I was shocked to see a personal message answering my need. “Restore the Joy” it read.  Stacey acknowledged the stresses of teaching and how it can destroy your joy. She then suggested ways to “restore the joy”. What a gift that was!! Thank you.